It’s been a while! As I head back to Thailand in a short TWO days, I’m reflecting on the journey I’ve been on to get here, there’s been a lot of me being in the unknown and being surprised (good ones and annoying ones).
Most of you know I am heading back to Thailand to continue missions. I’ve been home for 5 months working as an ECA and fundraising to go back. This summer was busy in the way I didn’t expect, but I also knew I wasn’t home for vacation necessarily either. I didn’t get to do all the fun things I did in summer 2017.. I did some fun things this summer, which was awesome, but it was different this time. I physically and mentally felt how busy I was with work at daycare and fundraising on the side.
When I came back, I had two constant questions people asked me and I gave two constant answers to those questions. Question #1: are you back for good or are you going back? answer: i’m going back. Question #2: When are you going back? Answer: September! It’s November right now and I am currently in bed in Canada writing this.. see the issue? right. It came down to August, and I was still answering “September” but the doubt of that actually happening started to surface, then September came and I wasn’t feeling confident about leaving, it was almost embarrassing for me to say “September” to anyone again cause it just wasn’t happening. I was disappointed and frustrated, I felt like I had no money (I did, but I felt like it wasn’t enough), I had no flight leads, I had no apartment lined up. I was tired and ready to sleep at a big mall in Bangkok at that point. I felt like I was left in the unknown the whole summer, I honestly had no clue about any details of anything, like nothing. The only thing I am sure of is Who called me and where to and to do that thing He called me to do.
October came around, and I had an apartment, flight BOOKED, money was becoming decreasingly less of an issue, and I gave my resignation. All of you are like huh what. This all happened very suddenly. Like I mean sudden and unexpected. My amazing friend in Thailand found me an apartment that I actually like! this apartment popped out to her twice and it wasn’t until the second time that she showed me the apartment and I was actually impressed and loved the room. Flights, now this hurdle was super interesting and happened out of no where. It was the third week of October and I got a wave of something and it was very real, it gave me the approval to quit my job on the 29th and the “it’s time to go” approval. Holy Spirit comes in waves we can’t explain, and honestly this is something I couldn’t explain even if I was an English major cause I got no words for it. So I had to get approval from my amazing PAOC coach to book flights and she gave it to me along with my finances queen, she also gave me approval!!!!! So I’m suuuuper excited at that point because that meant booking flights and visa application time. I booked a flight with an airline that I actually feel blessed using because anyone who knows me knows I love Korea and k pop culture, all the korean dramas just give it to me. I’m flying with Korean Air! so that was a win win for me. I booked my flight for Oct 30th.. that date and the fact I’m still in Canada, don’t add up right?! I’ll tell yaaa why. MY VISA. So I’ll take some humble pie and admit partially that is my fault but also this was an out of my control kinda thing. Canada post is on strike and every piece of mail gets delayed, but LOL my passport couldn’t be mailed back to me anyway because I didn’t give them anything to mail my passport in so lose lose situation for me. This was one of the unexpected things that happened and actually the annoying surprise I got. I went to Vancouver and got my passport back with a THAI VISA IN IT. My mom rebooked my flight and now I peacefully leave in 2 days and I couldn’t be more excited!!!!!!
Finances.. what an uphill battle this is. I am blown away at how much I managed to save because if you know me well.. you would know I d o n t save money for the life of me. I am feeling blessed and humbled by the people who have financially given to me, the churches considering me, and the people who are looking at giving to me. This isnt 100% taken care of, but I am getting to watch it all unfold and Gods hand work through my finances 🙏🏽.
Before my hectic summer here even started, God was speaking promises of faithfulness to me knowing I’d go through all of that^. I didn’t know I’d go through any of that, but He did. I didn’t think I’d be so deep into the unknown. Through all my tears of tiredness and frustration, my doubts, my trust issues, thinking I didn’t have big enough faith, I was sunk in Gods grace, and I watched my triumph unfold in front of me. I got to see Gods hand in everything as I left everything in His hands. There are lessons I had to learn here before heading back, I’m glad I learned them, I wouldn’t say I’m happy about how I learned them but they were crucial for me in my spiritual walk with God. He cares more about our hearts than the destination of where we’re heading. Growing me, preparing me, challenging me, stretching me. He does it out of love, not humour. Timing is His, not ours. Resting in Him; He cares about you, He cares about your schedules busy, overloaded, or free. I kid you not, I had a solid week and a bit of running around, shopping, and appointments up until the 30th with working full time on the side. I felt like I couldn’t keep up with all the appointments I made, or the busy-ness of my schedule.. that’s how busy I was. I couldn’t even imagine trying to get on a plane on the 30th because I was toast by the 30th. I was given 7 days before my flight coming up to rest, breathe, sleep, take a chill pill or 5, and feel the excitement about heading out on the 5th!! My busy week until the 30th, I wasn’t feeling the excitement of leaving, I wasn’t even processing what was going on because everything had happened so quickly, like that’s how on-the-go I was. Now that my restful self-care week is coming to a close and I am heading out in two days, I feel like I’m a lot more ready to go, and I feel the excitement I should be feeling and the joy in all this.
You’ll hear from me from the other side of the planet next.
Much love ✌🏼